Just When I Think I’m Too Ill to Write…

…I find I’m actually too ill to do much else BUT write. Unfortunately recent days have seen me pretty much consigned to the sofa. There were a couple of times I needed to drive, but that was nerve-wracking. Heck, I haven’t even been able to ride my Yamaha. And there are only so many episodes of classic Mission Impossible a guy can watch without getting real life and the characters antics confused – though I suspect the morphine has something to do with that. But (much of the time) I can think reasonably well: I can see okay: and my fingers work. So I can operate a lap top. Therefore I can write, and I can manipulate photographs. And, oh boy, have I been manipulating photographs! Suffice to say, The Redemption of Gregor Arsentickler has come along in leaps and bounds. More than that; it’s finished. It’s also one of the shorter tales in the pantheon  of Earplug Adventures – only 88 pages, 172 photos, and slightly in excess of 10,000 words. Moreover, being short and sweet, I’m now in a position to bring you another episode. Welcome to part four…

This was an offer that the golden-eyed earplug would not have expected in a million years. He was almost taken aback. But it was an offer too good to refuse. So, moments later saw the duo set off down a pedestrian underpass that went in the direction of Ciudad de Droxford…

After introducing themselves, Douglas began to have doubts concerning his generous offer, because Gregor, once started, couldn’t stop talking:

“I used to be a complete rotter.” He confessed. “Evil-eyed and full of self-belief.”

“I was conniving. Worse still, I was an acolyte of that dreadful loser, Mister Zinc. I even had three innocent, but essentially dippy teen-aged girls…

…get themselves into real trouble. Their names were – and this will be forever etched upon my brain – Bunty Bridgewater, Ginger Slack, and Daisy Woodnut. You know, Douglas, I nearly got them sent to prison. Heck, I nearly got them killed!”

“Wow,” the huge rapid marker top responded. “You really were a bag of plugmutt doo-doos: what did you do that was so horrendous?”

“Well,” Gregor explained, “a new exhibit had recently been delivered from the future. It depicted a time when the Earth would be threatened by a singularity.”

“What?” Douglas exploded. “Our planet will someday be consumed by a black hole? Oh, that’s terrible!”

“I said ‘threatened’; I didn’t say consumed.” Gregor snapped. “Shut up and let me tell my story. Any way I told Mister Zinc that I had a plan to get him into power. I actually wanted the buffoon to take control of the Museum of Future Technology….

To this end I had the three girls let loose on an armoured fighting vehicle fitted with an advanced energy weapon….

Naturally the idiots fired it. The new exhibit was destroyed completely.”

By now the twosome had wandered through so many pedestrian interchanges, they were completely lost… 

Not that they worried though; Douglas was enthralled with the tale.

“What happened to the girls?” He inquired.

“They were pursued across the museum.” Gregor replied…

“Eventually caught, they were incarcerated. But my sneaky former self freed them, but the dozy sods managed to accidentally stow away aboard a robotic submarine space freighter…

…which was overwhelmed by the forces of some evil Incense Cones. With no means to defend itself it was commandeered into a robotic uprising, instigated by those very same Incense Cones.”

At this point Gregor finally smiled…

“It was then I came to my senses. I recognised Zinc for what he was. I destroyed my secret communication device…

…and, instead called Magnuss Earplug and his lovely wife, Hair-Trigger…

From there I stepped back and allowed the museum’s greatest heroes to save the three girls, all the robots, and kick the incense cones right up the metaphorical arse. I never got into trouble for my misdemeanours; but my guilt has plagued me every night since then.”

“Oh I am sorry.” Douglas responded kindly, “you have been a complete tonge, haven’t you!”

“But that’s not the worst of it.” Gregor wailed, “Because I was fearful that Magnuss would turn me in to the authorities, I ran away to live in the monastery in Lemon Stone. There it wasn’t anything that I did for which I now feel shame: it was what I didn’t do.”

Douglas began to wonder if he had become involved with the most despicable earplug he’d ever met. “Explain.” He demanded.

Gregor replied with, “Do you remember that time when everyone in Lemon Stone and the museum were rendered inert by the Northern Mist?”

Douglas didn’t because he was a recent arrival, but he had read about it on his lap top. “Continue.” He said slowly.

“Well,” Gregor did as he had been instructed, “one of my favourite hobbies, when I wasn’t scrubbing public lavatory floors, was rock climbing. I was doing just that when the Northern Mist descended…

Initially I was horrified. If nothing else, I couldn’t see beyond the end of my nose. I suspected something suspicious was afoot: after all, the Northern Mist was mere legend, so clearly this mist had been artificially created and was designed to cause harm. But I didn’t want to get involved. I was afraid that if I was seen on any CCTV or suchlike, someone might recognise me, and I’d be blamed. So I let poor little Fanny Gander…

…run up and down the mountainside, saving everyone in the museum and Lemon Stone. But that’s not the end of it. When I tasted the so-called Northern Mist, I realised that not only was I naturally immune to its effect, which surely demanded that I lend my assistance to the green-faced potion-creator, but I could also taste…

…Mister Zinc’s involvement with the gas that now overwhelmed everyone, save Fanny and I. But did I act? No; I merely shivered and shook…

…with worry that if I became involved, Magnuss Earplug would put two and two together and reasonably conclude that I was, once again in league with the silver no-good. So I stayed in the mountains and hoped for the best.”

“Hmmm,” Douglas…er…hummed, after some thought, “It sounds to me that what you need is a heavy dose of redemption.”

Gregor allowed a hint of hope to enter his tone: “Redemption?” He inquired.

Douglas continued to think rabidly, though it was hard for Gregor to tell, due in no small part to the rapid marker top’s total lack of facial expression. Eventually he said, “Obviously you can’t go back in time and change events, so the best thing for you is to repay Magnuss Earplug’s faith in you by doing something heroic. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I know something that might be able to help you out.”

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2024

P.S  No doubt regular readers and Earpluggers will have recognised that episode for what it was: a clip show, utilising pictures from earlier stories to bulk out the tale. I really wasn’t up for setting up lights, assembling sets, and scrambling around snapping pictures from multiple angles: I just worked with what I already had. I think it came out well considering. From now on though, the clip show is no more.

PPS After checking out the specs of the PDF version, I’ve discovered that I have spent a total of 1115 minutes editing ‘Redemption’. I guess you’d call that a labour of love.