Category Archives: Wallpapers
The Traffic Cone Picnic
Sing along now…”Today’s the day the traffic cones have their picnic.”
Rural Wallpaper: The Scent of a Hampshire Spring
This was shot with an early Olympus digital camera from 2001. Not bad, huh? This is what it might look like on your computer…
And here’s a charming picture of your intrepid photographer out and about…
…combining two activities that brings pleasure to his tedious existence. Actually it isn’t that tedious: I think I’m really rather fortunate.
Tea Dust Art / Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Blasting Off With Some Urgency
A Zanahoria Negro lifts off from an asteroid at maximum boost…
I wasn’t planning on writing another Earplug Adventure, but these teadust art and plastic carrot shots are giving me an idea. Hmmm…
Tea Dust Art / Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Alien Visitation?
What’s this – a potential squadron of Zanahoria Negro lookalikes making planetfall upon the home world of a primitive pastoral earplug civilisation?
Could be.
Hideous Biker Wallpaper: Tooty the Zombie Motorcyclist
Once bitten by the bike bug; now bitten by a zombie
Tea Dust Art: The Zanahoria Negro Above a Winter Forest
The forest of conifers is good old tea dust shaken and stirred inside a white cardboard box. The Zanahoria Negro is a plastic carrot painted black. All good stuff, you understand. Only the best for my art…
The falling snow was added later. Who knows, maybe it will appear in an Earplug Adventure.
Simple Wallpaper: Forget-Me-Not Shadows
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Woken By An Ice-Age
Choreographer and troupe leader, Margret Greenhorn is woken early by her dancing girls â The Greenhorn Girls – only to discover that the alternative reality in which they live is about to enter a new ice-age. From Winning Numbers. Fascinating factoids: Tooty attempted to create a look that suggested COLD by photographing some ice outside in the yard where he worked (and created this scene five minutes later), then placed his ‘actors’ upon the A4 print-out from a laser printer. It didn’t work entirely; but he liked Margret’s dull-eyed look enormously, so it doesn’t really matter. In retrospect, he should have taken the scene outside in the real cold. Still, too late now. The Greenhorn Girls are loosely based on the famous Parisian dance troupe, The Bluebell Girls, created by Margret Kelly during the Nazi occupation of France. Tootyâs late wife was once a Bluebell Girl. Â
Earplug Adventures Disaster Wallpaper: Estimated Point of Impact
Bad news for the silicon inhabitants of this particular city that squats like a defecating toad upon the vast plain that leads to the distant Museum of Future Technology…
But do we care? Not a jot. And maybe the disaster will find it’s way into an earplug adventure!
Spring Wallpaper: White Blooms; Blue Sky
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Welcome To My World…
…none of which is real, of course…
Earplug News 24/7: Great Discovery Made!
Unexpected news concerning Uda Spritzer’s scientific mission is filtering in. Photographic evidence supports her assertion that she has discovered the mythical lost city of Gertrude Worthington!
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Youngsters on the Ice
This post first appeared in a blog so vile that it’s name eludes me. Now it appears once more, resplendent upon a site of unequalled brilliance.
Young earplug friends, Fulham Peach, Crudlove Twang, Fledgling McCormack, and Spodney Gridlock are accidentally drawn into the mountains by Buttox Barkingwell’s psychic siren song. From Plunging Into Peril. Fascinating factoid: Although the falling snow in the foreground was added in post-production, the apparent (but fabulousy convincing) snow in the background was actually salty corrosion on a sheet of bare aluminium. The snowy ground was originally a broken ceiling tile from an abandoned office building. It was a tricky shot to get because the aluminium was riveted to a bicycle shed, so I needed to balance the ‘ground’ on my knee whilst standing upon one foot and using my hands to operate the camera. I think they call it multi-tasking – or perhaps a circus act.
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Eject With Alacrity!
The ancient alien lifeboat flees the Drunkard’s Vomit with only seconds to spare before the auto-destruct sequence begins. From Climatic Calamity. Fascinating factoid: Apart from the fact that both vessels are made from products found in Tooty’s bathroom – yes that distant airless planetoid really is a chocolate covered digestive biscuit…from the Waitrose Essential range. Tooty doesn’t use just any old chocolate covered digestive you know!
Earplug Adventures Âİ Paul Trevor Nolan
Rural Wallpaper: Chill December
Bare trees, frosted roofs, and gently smoking chimneys. Rural England in Wintertime.
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Poolside
Like the Earplug Adventures wallpapers that immediately precede this one, Poolside appeared in a nasty, deservedly defunct blog that should never have seen the light of day.
The Earplug Brothers take some welcome time-off at the holiday home of their Auntie Doris. Naturally the Pong Sisters join them. From The Grand Tour Volume One. Fascinating factoids: The rippled ‘water’ effect was obtained by running a butane flame across a slab of industrial insulation material. Also, Chester appears to be sans important facial features. This is not an error by the creator of the story: it simply reflects the fact that Chester doesn’t sleep with his mouth open.
Kitchen Wallpaper: Ingredients
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Vile Coffee: Cozy Chat
This post first appeared in a blog that was so unpopular, it staggered belief. Not like this one at all!
Having escaped the island of Doctor Adolf Weil-Barrau intact, former head of security Slomo Chewings buys a cup of vile coffee from a Barf machine for fellow islander and potential love interest, Daffney DeMauritainia. From Mutant Island. Fascinating factoids; The Barf machine is the lid of a sweetener dispenser. The table is a filter from a pneumatic pump. This is the first occurrence in an Earplug Adventure of a non-heterosexual relationship. P.S If Daffney looks very similar to Bubbles Gloor in The Veil of Shytar, it’s because the same earplug was used in both stories. Waste not; want not – or so they say. They also say everyone has their double somewhere in the world. Well there’s the proof – sort of.
Rural Wallpaper: Country Counter Top
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: A Monster Farts
This post first appeared in another (ghastly, vile, and hugely unpopular) blog.
Lost and alone in the bitter cold, mountain pea farmer, Frank Tonsils believes that he might be hallucinating. After all, one doesnât expect to meet a flatulent multi-legged monster on a snowy mountainside. From Natural Selection. Fascinating factoid: The ‘monster’ was created by adding a home-made stick-on eye to a piece of torn nylon weave that had originally protected a 2-tonne pack of processed timber whilst in transit. Obviously the ‘fart’ was added later.
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Prowler At Sea
I don’t know if this picture of the Punting-Modesty Munitions Company’s finest product will appear in an Earplug Adventure, but I thought this experiment in creating something out of almost nothing worked quite well…
Nature Wallpaper: When Catkins Start Their Dangling…
…it’s for Spring that we’re all angling!
Tooty the Chef Wallpaper: Colourfully Culinary
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Approaching the Frontier
This post has appeared previously upon a defunct blog.
Ice-World border guards are caught…er…off-guard by the sudden arrival of Clancy Hardnut as he passengers aboard a hover sled – driven by Wendy Earwacks, who is a female member of the enemy’s blue-hued civilisation. They can barely believe their eyes: fraternisation between the races is unheard of. From Cold War. Fascinating factoid: when this story first appeared on the Internet in 2016, a reader was most amused by the ‘hover sled’. He recognised it as being a part from a cannibalized steam iron. He made no mention of the upturned Nescafe Dolce Gusto coffee pods though.
Nature Wallpaper: Cruel Thorns; Hard Frost
Myriad Sparrows live within this hedgerow. How do they survive the barbs? Or is it a case of the thorns offering the tiny birds protection from predators? They certainly squawk a lot. But I guess I would too – if I had those things jabbing me up the arse every five minutes!
P.S Don’t you think those three bramble leaves look rather predatory?
Silicon Life: Skanki Kaffe Opens To The Public!
Probably just in time to become involved with some disaster that befalls the Museum of Future Technology…
Nature Wallpaper: Grass Cropped Short (With Icicles)
Grass cropped short by sheep. The icicles are obviously the work of global warming. Facetious comment courtesy of Tooty Nolan.
Earplug Adventures Wallpaper: Illicit Flight
This first appeared in a now defunct blog.
When Bubbles Gloor and Barclay Scrimmage stole the prototype Prowler from the Punting-Modesty Munitions Company, Bubbles couldn’t help showing it off to her mother, Millicent, and her ski coach boyfriend Wagontrain McCallister in their ski lodge at the end of a frozen fiord. From The Veil of Shytar. Fascinating factoid: The fiord is actually a hollow in the trunk of a fallen tree that has filled with water. Yes, I know it doesn’t look like it, but it is. Just goes to show what a photographic genius the creator of the Earplug Adventures really is!
Wallpaper 646: Ominous Sky
When you’re fifty miles from home and your transportation is a light-weight street scrambler, this is not a welcome sign…
Silicon Life: Alerta Roco!
It’s not every day that the Cafe Puke goes to red alert. What kind of emergency could it be? Has the crappachino machine malfunctioned? Is there a newly-formed volcano erupting in the foyer? The guy nearest camera certainly has no idea.
Tooty the Chef Wallpaper: Garlic Bread With That?
Or ‘That’ with Garlic Bread? Whichever, another gastronomic triumph!
Nature Wallpaper: Green, Green, and More Green!
…with a touch of brown.
Rural Wallpaper: Shit, and the Means to Spread It.
Though not on this particular day: the cowshed effluent was frozen solid.
P.S I pride myself with choosing quality subjects. It’s so important.
Tooty the Chef Wallpaper: Waiting to be Steamed
Not Tooty the Chef obviously: just some imaginatively coloured ingredients…