Spend Spend Spend…A Heck Of A Lot More And Then Some.

Regular readers will probably recall the fiscal nightmare that is the Back Lane Behemoth…

…otherwise known as my Yamaha XJR1300. As much as I adore it, it has cost me quite a pocketful in the couple of years I’ve owned the 21 year-old modern classic. And things haven’t changed. When I mentioned that I intended to swap the BLB in for a smaller, lighter Yamaha MT07, my regular mechanic pointed out that it would need some remedial work done before a dealer would even think about taking it in as part-exchange.  Years of dissuse (before I took it on) had played havoc with perishable parts, like intake rubbers, gaskets, seals, what-have-you. Moreover a ham-fisted previous owner had butchered several parts. So I said, “Go for it.”  Three weeks later it’s back – with a list of replacement parts as long as my arm – all of them far from cheap. The bill for the work equalled the the engine’s capacity. A GBP for every cubic centimetre of the machine’s four mighty cylinders. Taking a deep breath I said, “Perhaps I won’t be swapping this in for a 700 just yet: it’s going to have to pay for itself first.” To which Andy (of Earle Brothers Motorcycles) replied, “As great as an MT07 is, if you swap it in, you will forever regret getting rid of the XJR.” He then added words to the effect that if I was impressed with the performance increase their last work had wrought, I was going to be doubly-pleased with their latest efforts. “It’s an absolute rocketship!” he finished. After a twenty mile test run, I have to agree. Oh boy have they released some ponies: it flies! Money well-spent: it stays. So, if any bike is going to make way for a 700 Yam, it’ll have to be the Fantic…

But then, when I think about it…aren’t they about to release a new Fantic Caballero with a Yamaha 700 engine in it?  Hmmm, sounds like the best of both worlds to me!

Timeless Tooty

Some things never change. Human behaviour, for one. But we don’t want to go down that serious philosophical avenue right now: let’s stick to a far more cheerful subject. Please regard this hideously faded photo of Tooty (before he became Tooty) in 1976…

As you can probably see, he was a cheerful and lovable chap. Well his mum loved him, and, at that time, so did this delightful young woman…

Also as you can probably see, he was a motorcyclist. Protective equipment amounted  to motocross boots, a crash helmet, and gloves. Back then, when very few people considered health and safety, body protection was provided by a pair of flared cotton trousers and a small corduroy jacket.  Note the corduroy jacket appears festooned with sew-on patches. Here it is again, later in the year…

It has grown a few more. And again in 1977…

…where even more appear evident. Because of the extraordinarily piss-poor resolution of the ancient print, it is doubtful that you can  recognise any wording or logos that appears on the plethora of patches. Well let me tell you (if you haven’t guessed already) most of them read ‘Yamaha’.  He was, at that time, The Yamaha Kid. He doesn’t know when, or whence, that jacket disappeared, but he really misses it and has cursed his carelessness on a regular basis for the last few decades. When he returned to motorcycling in 2020, his son suggested that they find a modern equivalent jacket, then do likewise with the patches. Tooty decided against it on safety grounds. If he had ever crashed with that jacket on, it is pretty odds-on that he would have come away with somewhat less skin than if he’d remained perpendicular to the asphalt. So he decided against it. In any case, a sixty-three year old version of The Yamaha Kid would look a tad pathetic, wouldn’t he?  BUT he WAS able to find exact duplicates of many of those 1970’s patches on the Internet. In fact one of them was an original. Prices were too high for most of them, so he passed. What was the point of purchasing expensive patches for a jacket that he wasn’t going to buy or wear? But one was an affordable price, and the orignal patch was an absolute  giveaway. These he simply couldn’t resist. Then his son found an exact copy of the U.S AIRFORCE patch that he had worn above the left breast pocket – and duly bought it for him. Well, the other day, the temptation to sew them on to something overwhelmed him; so he took out his Spanish fisherman’s jacket (that he paid too much for in a Villa Joyosa market a few years ago) and set to it with the needle and thread. Ladies and Gentlemen: in a subdued manner that should not embarrass the old fool too much – The Yamaha Kid returns…

But he doesn’t ride his bike in that gear: he’s not a complete moron. Pity the camera strap had to hide the original 1970’s patch though. Stupid Tooty!

Spend Spend Spend – A Hell of a Lot More!

The previous owner of my beautiful Yamaha…

…didn’t use it very much. In fact, in the whole year before I bought it, the bike only travelled twelve miles. Two miles to the dealership: four miles to the testing station; four miles back to the dealership; and two miles home.

“Well,” thought I, “low milage equates to good condition, right?”

Not necessarilly, it seems. Unused, the tyres have hardened (and continue to harden) to the consistency of plastic – requiring immediate replacement. The oil seals on the clutch slave cylinder have followed suit. And the wrong engine oil (his – not mine: I replaced it immediately, but it was too late) has contaminated the clutch plates – leading to slippage at high revs. Result? Set of tyres, slave cylinder replacement, and new clutch. Pain. Booked into the shop – awaiting a slot. Guess I’ll have to get my fun in my other toy…

Come to think about it…I’ve spent rather a lot on that recently too. Perhaps I should take up knitting.

Tooty Nolan Wallpaper: Blind Faith

 

Unsuited to the Task

I first bought a motorcycle so that I could go farther afield ( and more quickly) in my pursuit of nice photographs. My little Yamaha YBR125 was almost right, except that it took forever to get anywhere – especially against a headwind – and it hurt my bum with its thin saddle and limited suspension. But if ever there was a motorcycle unsuited to the task of carrying me along rural lanes and gravelly tracks, it’s the YBR’s replacement…

A back-lane behemoth. The Yamaha XJR1300 in its unnatural habitat. But flipping heck, isn’t it handsome! So who cares?

Spend Spend Spend…A Little Bit More.

I said – or at least I think I said – that I’d spent as much as I was going to spend on fripperies for my Yamaha. But as I rode along, recently, I found myself getting more and more annoyed with the need to crane my neck  and twist my arms out of the way, just to see what was behind me in the rear view mirrors. So, having perused the Internet, I settled on the cheapest set  available. I chose them because I didn’t think they were going to fit, work, or be any good at all, and I didn’t want to waste too much money proving it. I spent an almighty £15 with free post & packing. Gotta be shit – right? Well here they are…

Yep, they’re plastic. They wont take  a knock, so I’d best be careful with them. But wow, what a transformation. Its like having blinkers removed. The whole  quality of the ride has been increased by…ooh…lots of percent. In fact my last ride was so enjoyable, this happened…

New mirrors: the answer to my dreams.