Bare trees, frosted roofs, and gently smoking chimneys. Rural England in Wintertime.
Tag Archives: winter
Portrait of Nature: The Woodland Path
Nature Wallpaper: When Catkins Start Their Dangling…
…it’s for Spring that we’re all angling!
Portrait of Nature: Last Year’s Left-Overs
Autumn seems to have hung on all through winter.
Portrait of Nature: Perfect Winter Morning
Nature Wallpaper: Cruel Thorns; Hard Frost
Myriad Sparrows live within this hedgerow. How do they survive the barbs? Or is it a case of the thorns offering the tiny birds protection from predators? They certainly squawk a lot. But I guess I would too – if I had those things jabbing me up the arse every five minutes!
P.S Don’t you think those three bramble leaves look rather predatory?
Nature Wallpaper: Grass Cropped Short (With Icicles)
Grass cropped short by sheep. The icicles are obviously the work of global warming. Facetious comment courtesy of Tooty Nolan.
Nature Wallpaper: Morning Fresh
Rural Wallpaper: Cold Conversation
Nature Portrait: Brambles Succumb to Winter
Climatic Calamity (part 6)
I promised worse was to come for our little silicon heroes: well here it is…
Others, who had already made it inside the thick stone walls couldn’t help but enjoy the feeling of superiority that safety afforded them…
“Gosh,” some would say, “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this level of smugness. We are so clever to be inside, out of the cold, whilst the dull-witted hammer upon doors and demand entry. I no longer need to keep up with the Joneses: I’m already leagues ahead!”
Who could argue with that summation? The weather outside the Museum was worsening by the minute…
Meanwhile, in the mountain pea-farming region, Erronious and Hellfire held an impromptu meeting with several other pea farmers, who looked to the reformed criminals for leadership…
“Right now, I’d suggest you all get to your homes and put on some thermal socks, woolly underpants, and a bobble hat.” Erronious told them.
Hellfire followed this up with:
“We’ll worry about our insurance policies later. Forget the bloody peas: right now it’s all about survival!”
Hellfire was absolutely right when he spoke of survival. Several Precipitous Ledge Walkers were of the naturist kind. They had no thermal socks, woolly underpants, or bobble hats. All they had were frozen assets…
In fact many earplugs were becoming increasingly at-risk…
So, in an act of altruism that would have astonished their earlier selves, Erronious and Hellfire spent the next half-hour finding lost souls and sending them to their friend’s houses or the nearest drunk tank…
“I think, Hellfire,” Erronious said through frozen lips and chattering teeth, “this might be a good time to find shelter for ourselves.”
As the snow continued to billow around the mighty flanks of the museum…
…something of the cold permeated into the interior…
“What’s this, Mister Pong,” Chester Earplug inquired of the restaurant owner, “you’re closing the museum’s only exotic food restaurant?”
“Can’t keep egg foo yung warm.” Mister Pong replied. “Pongs never serve cold egg foo yung.”
And, as the day darkened…
…even Rudi, Valentine, Miles, and Magnuss Earplug looked on and wondered what the heck was happening…
“Heck, man, what’s happening’? This sho’nuf aint funky.” Valentine complained.
“I can dig it, Bro,” Rudi answered for the others. “We’re action guys: we fix things. Aint no fixing this.”
© Paul Trevor Nolan 2022
If you don’t like the sight of earplugs suffering horribly from chilblains and runny noses, don’t return for episode 7. But if you don’t care two hoots what happens to them, come back tomorrow for the next exciting extract from Earplug Adventures: Climatic Calamity!
Climatic Calamity (part 5)
Well, in episode 4 the climatic calamity began. Now see how it worsens. Not a good time to be an earplug!
Talking of married couples: former Father Superior, Frank Tonsils joined his young wife – former nun, munitions worker, and owner of the defunct Time Shard Museum of Future Technology – Buttox Tonsils (nee Barkingwell), and her best friends – the former monks, Zak Bravado and Bolah Googly – as they stepped out of their farmhouse to survey the frozen ground…
“This is gonna cut into our profit margins.” They heard Frank mutter to himself. “And how am I gonna pull my wheelbarrow back up the mountain from the marshaling yards on the plain below?” He added. “The rope will be all slippery!”
Elsewhere earplugs of every hue, shape, and size were being inconvenienced by the apparent onset of sudden winter…
With insufficient armoured personnel carriers available, many were forced to walk to lower climes, where they prayed the chill air would be warmer. But if they had only known that the situation was no better at lower altitude…
…they might have saved themselves the effort, and, instead, dug themselves snow caves. In fact earplugs were flooding from all over towards the perceived sanctuary that Lemon Stone offered…
The four monks that manned the watchtower at the head of the gorge could only watch impotently as swarms of earplugs passed by…
“Flipping heck,” one of them bellowed, “all that revenue that we’re missing out on. Are you sure that door is frozen solid? We could be asking ten Pluggentos per pass to enter the citadel. Within hours we could be rich beyond the dreams of avarice!”
“Shut up,” one of his colleagues grumbled, “and put another log on the stove.”
Because of its close proximity to the museum, Ciudad de Droxford was almost invisible in the whiteout. The palms trees that grew all around the city had withered and were frozen solid in multiple layers of ream ice…
The streets, themselves, were liberally coated in a sheet of ice. Only the brave or foolhardy ventured on to them…
The situation was no better at the museum itself…
…though the fascists and mariachi bands continued to struggle through their twin conventions in the Age of Stone…
Meanwhile, the caretaker of the Age of Stone – Susan the amorphous blob from the future – looked up at the sky. Snow was unheard of in her era: she was fascinated. Those hammering upon the ‘castle’ door were less entranced: they just wanted to get inside…
© Paul Trevor Nolan 2022
Like I said: not a good time to be an earplug. And it gets worse!
Rural Portrait: Stone Cold Morning
Rural Portrait: Winter Tree Line
Nature Wallpaper: Frost in the Morning Sun
Winter Wallpaper: Winter Arch
Nature Wallpaper: Autumn, Meet Winter
Sunny Comes to Money
I think it’s grossly unfair: whilst my wealthy neighbour’s property basks in Autumn sunshine, my humble abode must shiver beneath its mantle of snow. Booooo!