Wallpaper 513: Blossom Fingers

Image

Advertisements

Photography: One Shot: Two Takes

One winters’ day whilst at work, upon finding myself with a few minutes spare, I wandered outside with a camera, a piece of polystyrene packing material, and an earplug.The result was a picture, which (on Flickr) is named Wondrous Sight…

And very nice it is too. But with a little jiggery-pokery (with a free photo-manipulation program) it’s surprising just how different this photo can look. Here that simple shot takes on a totally different air. May I present, ‘Being Watched’…

You wouldn’t want to see this pair standing on your window cill!

Junior Earplug Adventures: The Grand Tour (part 59)

Thrashing about the vast warehouse, the five brothers made an eventual discovery. It was a huge crate – with a warning stencilled upon it…

Assuming that it was either nuclear waste or God effluent awaiting removal to the massive red giant sun, around which the planet orbited, the boys elected to move on. But then Miles’ keen young ears detected muffled groans and weak knocking sounds. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the ‘nasty’ something was that lurked within the crate. Grabbing a crow bar, Valentine wrenched the front panel from the crate…

To the Earplug Brother’s consternation they discovered the Supreme Being bound and gagged. For a moment they stood open-mouthed. But the Supreme Being didn’t have that luxury…

“Get this flipping thing offa my face.” He mumbled through his futuristic, self-adhesive, gag.

It was approximately the exact same time that the bridge crew received a visitation from the Wonky Supreme Being. He held aloft a facsimile earplug, which he then proceeded to crush between his fingers…

“I hope that isn’t a real earplug.” Hydious Gout said bravely. “It appears to be in real pain.”

“That’s what’s gonna happen to you, you bearded wonder. If you don’t get the heck outta here in two seconds flat, you’re gonna regret the day you came out of the toilet and sat in that chair.”

“We have people on the planet.” Hydious responded calmly. “Earplugs don’t leave crewmates behind.”

“Is that so?” The Wonky Supreme Being sneered. “Well in that case…

…why don’t you go join them!”

In the time it takes to say: ‘Hello, how do you do? The weather’s looking a bit crappy today, don’t you think? And I’ve left my bloody umbrella in the vestibule.’ everything and everyone that wasn’t bolted down was transmitted off the Chi-Z-Sox…

Leaving it a derelict. The bridge crew suddenly found themselves standing together. In front of them stood an equally bemused quintet of earplugs…

“Yuk.” Miles spat. “I hate swimming out of my depth. This guy’s got us beaten well and truly.”

“This is what the future looks like¬† – if we don’t do something really quick.” Magnuss whispered. “Any ideas?”

To his surprise it was Dawlish who answered: “I think I might be able to help.”

Moments later…

Magnuss, Chester, and Miles had leapt aboard the Planet Pummellers.

“If these things can punch through the hull of a star ship.” Magnuss shouted as all three brothers opened their throttles. “Imagine what they’ll do to a false God’s face!”

The Wonky Supreme Being was caught off-guard – initially at least…

“You rotten little zits.” He snarled as the Planet Pummellers advanced upon him. “Try to break my spectacles, would you? Well we’ll be having none of that nonsense!”

Back in the Museum of Future Technology, the curators continued to attempt a breakthrough with the Omnipresent Scanner…

But they were unsuccessful, and so missed, in the flicker of an eyelid…

…a return to the status quo.”

“Any other brilliant ideas?” Chester said waspishly. “Does someone happen to have a pea shooter in his back pocket, perchance? Perhaps we can screw up some lace doilies and throw them at him.”

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2018