In episode 25 you get even bigger bangs for your buck. And…ah-hem…a touch of nudity. Read on…
Far away, aboard the life-boat, the next explosion shone brightly upon the view screen…
Of course no one, with the exception of Peggy, wanted to witness the destruction of their ship and crewmate, so they looked away.
As the craft began to accelerate under its own power, the distant explosion grew in size and intensity…
“Uh-oh,” some unnamed crew member groaned as the explosion exceeded expectations by a thousand fold…
… “Something on the planetoid must have blown up too. Hold on to your hats!”
The next second that distant explosion became a very personal event. The blast wave threw the life-boat across parsecs of space, and stripped it clean of ablative armour…
But it survived – a testament to the skills of its builders.
Chapter 10
In the following days, Peggy taught the crew to maintain the vessel’s systems, whilst Celestino looked out upon an uncaring cosmos and revelled in the fact that nothing out there sold him the ‘truth’ about anything. Moreover, in maintaining his ignorance of internal affairs aboard ship, he was unaware that Erronious and Hellfire spent most of their time doing sod-all and mooching about the ship whilst picking their noses and scratching their bums…
Following necessary repairs, the battle-scarred life-boat finally got underway and quickly moved to supra-light speed…
However, just a few hours into their faster-than-light journey, a horrifying image appeared on-screen…
“By the Cyber-Saint of All Robots,” the Captain squawked, “It’s a huge hooded figure!”
The superbly-designed ship made an automatic avoidance manoeuvre…
“Oh-no,” Hellfire wailed, “we failed. It’s the Wonky Supreme Being. That’s it: we’re stuffed: he’s gonna be really miffed!”
But Celestino fretted not one bit. He already knew the true identity of the god-like being that appeared to thwart their passage. “No, Hellfire,” he said, “It’s…
…the real Supreme Being!”
“Hiya, Guys.” The Supreme Being’s massive voice rattled from the ships audio system, “Okay if I come aboard?”
Naturally the creator of Earplugdom didn’t wait for permission. A split second later he was amongst them – and he wasn’t alone…
“Ta-da,” he yelled. “I figured you’d miss this little guy; so I pulled it out of the explosion before it became part of it. Hey, what do you think about my miniaturisation? Look, I’m almost a tiny as you. Of course I’m not commensurately puny too: I’m still big-bad-me.”
Of course everyone was surprised and thrilled to have the Catering Assistant back with them. But the Captain openly questioned the Supreme Being’s motivation.
“I’ve had minor gods scouring all of space and time looking for my evil doppelganger.” S B replied. “Couldn’t get a sniff of him. Then everything went arse-about-face at the Museum of Future Technology, and I thought, ‘Ah-ha, could this be the work of Wonky?’, so I hung around and kept watch. You guys led me to him.”
Celestino laughed. “And it wasn’t the planetoid exploding or sub-atomically unstable space tearing itself into constituent quarks and bosons that threw us across space.” He cried. “It was something you did.”
S B looked at his (truly) non-existent fingernails. “Me?” He replied. “As if… Actually I took advantage of the moment. As Wonky fought to stop the explosion with his pseudo-god-like powers, I nipped in and shoved a hydrogen bomb down the back of his underpants. When he broke wind in surprise – blammo – no more false god.”
The Supreme Being then began his farewells, but Erronious interrupted him:
“Say, S B,” he said, “when I was trying to annoy your doppelganger, I told him that his buttocks weren’t as meaty as yours. Was I right?”
Hellfire was about to apologise upon Erronious’ behalf, but the Supreme Being forestalled him: “Wanna see my bum, huh?” He roared. “Well check this out.”
This earned him a round of applause and cries of ‘encore’. Moreover, his brazen act proved that the real S B had far meatier buttocks than his pretender. He had other things too, but no one felt sufficiently qualified to comment upon them.
“Well I must dash,” his voice boomed as he disappeared, “I have a galaxy to run.”
So, as S B disco danced at supra-light speed on-screen, Celestino, the former burglars, and Peggy welcomed the Catering Assistant aboard – whilst the Captain informed the Second Officer that it would soon be taking over duties in the Café Puke on the next voyage.
© Paul Trevor Nolan 2022
There, wasn’t that nice! But things go awry pretty soon in the next episode, so you’d better be there to see it.
P.S I’m very grateful to the Captain and it’s glowing brain: otherwise I couldn’t have used the naked Supreme Being shot at all!
Tooty Nolan: Languishing Somewhere Between Clever and Stupid 