They say there’s no fool like an old fool; and I must have looked like a truly aging wally to anyone who passed my house this morning. You see I’d just arrived home upon my bicycle from a neighbouring village where I had dropped off my ancient Toyota for it’s annual safety test. Perhaps I was exhausted. Maybe I was so concerned that it would cost a fortune to fix any problems with the Toyota, that I was neither seeing nor thinking clearly. As I made the final effort up the slope to my house, I was horrified to find that someone had made a discrete paint aerosol stroke upon my wall. In Britain this is a sure sign that ‘spotters’ have been around to check out any vulnerable properties for later burglaries by criminal gangs…
My first concern was the question of why they had selected my home. What made it such easy pickings? Finding nothing obvious, I thought it best that I remove the sign before the aforementioned criminal gang appeared. So, without further ado, I set about the mark with soapy water and a scrubbing brush. The result? Nada. Next I attacked it with a solvent – turpentine substitute to be precise. The result astonished me: the mark remained…er…unmarked! Then I brought out the big guns; a sheet of sanding paper. No paint on Earth could resist that. But it did. There was no effect whatsoever. My expression must have been the dull-eyed look of a simpleton. I think I summoned up a “Duh?” Then it dawned on me. Raising my gaze upward, I became aware of the proximity of my Skoda Octavia. More significantly it’s rear lamp cluster. Focussing to a more distant point I noted the presence of the Sun. It, the Skoda, and the criminal gang’s sign aligned perfectly…
I’d been trying to scrub off a ray of light! In my defence, they do say that genii make the best idiots. Guess that makes me a genius – especially since my ancient Corolla managed to pass it’s test yet again!
Tooty Nolan: Languishing Somewhere Between Clever and Stupid 