Distant Land Less Distant

It may have caught your attention that the 43rd episode of Junior Earplug Adventures: Distant Land gave the very distinct impression that the tale was drawing to a conclusion. Well, were you to gain that impression, you wouldn’t have been very far from the truth. In fact there is just one more episode to come. But, in the time honoured way of things in my publishing universe, the e-book version is always released (or, as I prefer to term it – unleashed) first. And so, once again, this has come to be. As you read this, this book…

…sits atop the listing on my Spotlight page at Lulu.com. And so it should: it’s…er…almost unique. Only the other thirty-three volumes of the Earplug Adventures saga come close. Check it out now.

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Playing Catch Up

Well it seems that the Nook and the Kindle are still lagging behind Lulu and iBooks. By that I mean that (so far) Barnes & Noble have reached ‘Earplug Aftermath‘ of the refurbished Earplug Adventures, and no further. And Amazon are only at the ‘The Invasion From Hyperspace‘ stage. But keep an eye open: they’re bound to catch up eventually. If they don’t, we’ll let this lot loose on ’em!

Cometh the Earplug Cometh!

Yes, that’s right, the next in the series of touched-up, much improved, made gorgeous, Earplug Adventures has arrived at iBooks and Lulu.

As the blurb on the 2016 psuedo-cover suggests, it’s uncommonly long (for an Earplug Adventure)…

WARNING: THIS BOOK CONTAINS A HUGE NUMBER OF CHAPTERS! When danger comes visiting in the Museum of Future Technology, who do you call for? Magnuss Earplug, that’s who. Cometh the moment, cometh the earplug, or so they say. The usual mayhem ensues.

And boy does my right forearm know it. I have spent hour upon bloody hour on this refurb, and my ‘mouse’ hand has cried “Enough!”.

Anyway, here’s the usual montage…

And, of course, a snippet…

And just for my loyal reader, Jayne – it features those popular favourites of hers, Magnuss and Hair-Trigger!

 

Distant Land (part 43)

Take-off for the Gravity Whelk had been uneventful and rapid. Now Richter and Beaufort looked back at their frozen home world…

“I’m aghast.” Richter gasped. “That scientists could be so stupid. If only we’d gone all ecological…like composting our turds: eating curly kale and nut loaf: complaining about fashionable log-burning stoves: dispensing with pleasant holidays, and walking everywhere instead of riding a vehicle of some sort – despite it being impracticable…our previously beautiful planet would still be habitable.”

“Yes.” Beaufort commiserated. “It’s a sod, isn’t it? Now let’s try to detect that Way Station: it appears that it’s no longer in orbit.”

Well, as time was to tell, Beaufort was entirely correct. When they finally discovered it, almost a million measures beyond its normal orbit, the unmanned space station communicated the news that its sensors had detected the global catastrophe and resultant significant drop in global temperatures, and (in fear of freezing solid) had elected to ease itself to a wider orbit, where it was a bit warmer…

“Clearly smarter than the average earplug.” Richter sniffed disdainfully.

“And infinitely smarter than Whoops Brannigan et al.” Beaufort added.

Then it was time to set metaphorical sail, and blast for the deeps of the cosmos…

And so the museum’s sole-surviving space craft continued to blast for the deeps of the cosmos until it had carried the Skail Brothers in as deep as they felt was comfortable…

Then they cut the motor: dropped the buoy; turned around: and blasted back in time to make the journey into an alternative quantum reality with everyone else.

“So there you have it.” Beaufort said as his brother turned away and left the room. “Our story. So, if it isn’t too much trouble, please bear witness to our existence. And learn something too. We were dumb asses: don’t repeat our mistake.”

The screen then faded, and everyone watching realised that the show was over…

“Ugh.” Placebo complained. “I was enjoying that.”

©Paul Trevor Nolan 2019

Distant Land (part 42)

And what a call it was. The recipient? Only Princess Cake of Potwell, that’s all! Well, her Equerry anyway…

“Whadda ya mean?” Beaufort roared at the poor individual through the Comm-Panel’s microphone. “Why isn’t she there? She should be packing.” Then moderating his tone, he added: “Oh, she’s a lazy sod who’s left it all to you: I see. Well where can I find her? It’s really important.”

The unseen Equerry gave the adventuring earplug the information he required, and soon Beaufort and his brother left Yaki to help herself to breakfast cereal, and were making good speed along  the corridor away from their delightful quarters…

“That Yaki’s a nice earplug, isn’t she Beaufort?” Richter said as they hurried along.

“Charm personified.” Beaufort agreed begrudgingly. “But don’t go getting any ideas, brother: she’s a Geisha Boss: she knows how to push male earplug’s buttons. And yours are just bursting to get pushed. Turn left just down here.”

Moments later they found themselves in the iced-up skateboard park in the lower levels…

Richter was disappointed and almost surrendered to the powers of fate; but Beaufort was no pushover: “Let’s think, Richter. Her Equerry said she was coming down to here to convince herself that they’d made the right decision to evacuate the museum. Where else would she go to cogitate and ruminate – besides the skateboard park? Think. Think!”

“Um.” Richter replied. “Well, when she was little, and her Dad was out on ceremonial visits to distant lands, she used to play in her favourite hide-away. It was an atom-proof bunker from the old days, when the museum was under threat of nuclear attack.”

“Brilliant.” Beaufort yelled so loudly that shards of ice began falling from the frosty ceiling. “Let’s go!”

It took a while, but eventually the brothers found their way to Princess Cake’s childhood sanctuary…

“What, the flipping heck,do you want?” Princess Cake demanded.

Clearly the museum’s figurehead and nominal ruler was annoyed at the intrusion into her solitude, so the Skails trod carefully as they told her of Yaki Hogwashi’s request. To which Cake replied: “So what do you want your ruler to do about it?”

“Two things.” Beaufort answered. “One: the Gravity Whelk was once the Royal Barge. Your father used it to make royal tours to nearby worlds. When we returned, the ignition keys were handed into your possession. Two: we’ve forgotten the way to where we parked the ship. We were kind of hoping you’d use the Royal Locator Beam to find it.”

Finally, or so Cake felt, the Princess had something useful to do. She could actually help. “Yeah, alright.” She replied. “I carry it in my bustle. Follow me. Or rather – follow my bustle.”

Five minutes later…

“It’s okay.” Cake said to calm the Skail’s fear of being swamped in snow, “the route I’m taking is through a dry, desert-like valley, where the snow can’t fall. Oh look – there it is.”

And it was – although the Princess hadn’t been entirely accurate: there were patches of snow that had collected in hollows everywhere…

“Flipping heck, this place is barren.” Beaufort complained. “Is it very far, Your Highness?”

“It’s just over that rise.” Cake answered, as she extracted the Gravity Whelk’s ignition keys from a secret pouch in her royal bustle. “You go that way: I’m going to find piece of high ground, from which to watch you depart”.

And she did – although it was only a very small piece of high ground that wasn’t very high at all…

“Good luck, boys.” She called. “Now be on your way. You have tale to tell. Go shout it at the Universe.”

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2019

 

 

Delivering the Goods.

Good old Barnes & Noble (those who sell my ‘Silent’ books rather better than anyone else) have added the tarted-up, refreshed, improved, and generally much more wonderful versions of these e-books…

…to their listings. So if you (as a Nook user) ever balked at purchasing the originals because of their dreadful photographic quality and dubious prose, balk no more! Click the link to see them.

P.S Later stories to follow, obviously.

P.P.S Currently Amazon have only the first two on offer – so Kindle users will need to wait a little longer for later tales in the saga.

Third Day of the Earplug is Go – Again!

On the off-chance  that you were to visit Apple Books, or perhaps my publishers – Lulu.com, you would discover that this e-book…

…has enjoyed its authors’ loving attentions and has been made nicer by the application of touched-up photos and a bit of jiggery-pokery in the writing department. Naturally a montage follows (which looks beguiling in the extreme when viewed on an iPad)…

And a photo-snip from the manuscript…

Decent, eh?