The buttons on my late wife’s 2005 Motorola had long since lost their silk printed numerals by the time she decided to call time on it and buy a ‘smart’ phone, which (as recommended by the phone shop assistant) was a Huawei Ascend. Well, after battling with the unreliable, counter intuitive piece of crap for several months, she went back to her Motorola, and remained faithful to it for years – until the week she died. She hung on to the the Chinese phone though because it took quite nice pictures – just as long as she didn’t try taking shots from a moving car: when she did, the phone’s auto-focus simply couldn’t make up it’s mind and often ended up taking pictures of the car interior, a random roadside, or her angry face. She didn’t think of it as an Ascend: more an Ass Hole. But because it cost good money, we kept it as an emergency device. Then, recently, two and a half years after her passing, my daughter’s old phone finally stopped picking up a signal. Cue a new phone – complete with new mini sim card. “What to do with her old sim card?” thought I . The answer came immediately: “Put it in the old Huawei.” So I did, and the Ascend didn’t disappoint: as anticipated it was next to useless. But then I discovered it had a wi-fi setting. Might it be possible that I could access the Internet on my home network? Unlikely, I thought. But after a lot of fiddling, gnashed teeth, and colourful expletives this happened…
Hoorah – it’s my blog. And doesn’t it look smart too? Now, should all my laptops, my never-used mini Mac, or my iPad decide to go awol, I can still admire my great works upon the Ascend. It doesn’t mean the phone’s any good, you understand: but it’s no longer an Ass Hole: merely a Butt Wipe!
Tooty Nolan: Languishing Somewhere Between Clever and Stupid 
I have a Motorola.. Brilliant phone.
Linzi had hers for years. She used muscle memory when texting though. It replaced it’s replacement.