Having allowed a respectable amount of time to pass between episodes…welcome to Part 21 of…
Meanwhile, Magnuss and Hair-Trigger were checking their handiwork in the penultimate saucer…
“Look at that deuterium, Mags.” Hair-Trigger laughed as she spoke, “it looks like aloe vera.”
Magnuss giggled too. “This ship may have the best star-drive in all creation,” he said, “but if it can’t get off the ground, it aint going nowhere. Right, let’s get on to the last one.”
Of course things are never as easy in practise as they are in theory. It was a real bugger to enter the final ship…
In fact Hair-Trigger was grateful that she didn’t wear a toupee when her head was almost sucked into oblivion.
All the while though, and despite the difficulties of his primary task, Magnuss listened in on developments with Nigel and company…
“I’m very annoyed.” Beatrix informed her husband. “I don’t know who I’m more annoyed with: the Crutons or the wise and benevolent aliens who gifted us sentience and self-awareness. Honestly, to keep us in such ignorance: it’s vile. To think that there are funny little creatures that look like mushrooms hiding away beneath our feet and watching our every move. It’s… it’s… it’s dishonest, that’s what it is!”
“I rather think the Crutons are real felons here, dearest.” Nigel argued gently. “And they do have inferior DNA too.”
“Hmmm,” Beatrix remained noncommittal on the subject of the Crutons. Changing the subject, she conjectured on the likelihood of the constituent atoms of the giant shape-shifting sausage roll that attacked Ice Station Nobby coalescing in the vacuum of space – thereby reforming and adopting its asteroid-like appearance.
“I hadn’t given that much thought.” Nigel confessed. “Perhaps Faati should have used a ten percent yield and blown it to sub-atomic particles. If it did reform, it could still pose a threat to Scroton. Though not as serious a threat as these Crutons, obviously.”
In the next cell, Walker and Fermin were listening through the poorly insulated wall…
“You know, I’ve often wondered about alien intervention in our society’s development.” Walker confessed. “We certainly have enjoyed a lengthy run of good luck. Everything we do seems to turn to gold and all that sort of thing.”
“I’m not surprised one bit.” Fermin replied. “I once met a female desert dweller who had been partaking heavily of the rhubarb wine. She told me a tale about how she and two other female desert dwellers were chased, by our security forces, and stumbled upon an alien lair full of weird creatures. But she was drunk, so I didn’t give it much credence.”
“It wasn’t Edni Gilbatross, was it?” Walker inquired. “She told me much the same story. She’d been at the carrot cake. You know what carrot cake does to desert dwelling females. Loose tongues and utter nonsense. If we ever get out of here, we’ll have to look her up.”
“No worry there, Walker.” Fermin replied. “I’m building up a head of stomach acid: give me five to ten minutes, and I’ll burn a hole right through that prison window.”
“And if that fails?”
“I’ll fart and blow the door off its hinges.”
Meanwhile, with the deuterium in the last saucer spoiled…
…Magnuss and Hair-Trigger made a dash for freedom…
Unfortunately, Fermin Gusset wasn’t the only soldier on Cruton with an excellent work ethic. Despite having inferior DNA, this particular Cruton possessed hearing far in excess of his Scrotonite counterpart…
“Ugh – did I hear something? What was that?”
So, as the earplugs made their way back towards the sanctuary of their cave system, they found themselves forced to take evasive action when a patrol that included the Fermin-look-alike almost stumbled upon them…
Moreover, because their hearing had developed in the thinner air of Cruton, they were able to track Magnuss and Hair-Trigger without ever seeing or identifying them. In the end, in order to escape, the earplugs had to throw caution to the wind – and themselves off a cliff…
Naturally they landed without incident in a location that was remarkably close to the hidden Tankerville Norris. Therefore, three minutes later they wandered on to their personal bridge…
© Paul Trevor Nolan 2022
Now prepare yourself for the next thrilling episode of Surprise Visit. See y’all.
Tooty Nolan: Languishing Somewhere Between Clever and Stupid 
I love Magnuss and Hair- trigger great partnership those to have.Love all the little chit-chat in this episode..
That’s really good to know. M & H-T have always been my faves to write. And the chit-chats are my favourite part of writing these stories. Total success methinks.