Tooty the Chef and the United Nations Trifle


Coloured blancmange was becoming increasingly difficult to find in the highstreet shops of the dear old U.K. Sick to death of yellow custard in his trifles, Tooty the Chef embarked upon a mission to find an alternative, by shopping in lesser emporiums that featured ‘stuff’ from all over the planet. Stuff such as this…

Mango jelly and pandan custard. Yellow and green. Pakistani and Thai. Perfect. When he informed Number One Son, Number One Son responded with:

“Make it now! Make it now!

But there was a problem: no canned fruit in the house. How could the hatted one have become so lax? But fear not; there were a couple of apples in the crisper…

From France and South Africa respectively. Oh, how international. So, without further ado, he set to boiling them down a bit. Once cooled, he added the mango jelly and some UK sourced sponge fingers, and placed it into the fridge…

Sadly the pandan custard, although arriving in a large satchet, created very little green custard. Just enough, barely, to cover the apple/jelly/ sponge fingers combo…

“Shit, arse, and bollocks!” the great chef was heard to utter beneath his breath and from behind his greying beard. This called for emergency action. And what action it was. He found this in the back of the wall cupboard…

Crema Catalana – from Spain! It was out-of-date, but he didn’t let that small fact worry him. “They have to put dates on stuff,” he assured anyone within hearing range, “they have to by law. It doesn’t mean anything – unless it’s chicken, of course.” Moments later…

…it was blubbing nicely on the stove. But when added to the trifle…

…still came up short. Why are these portions so darned small? So, once more he delved into the larder – discovering, in the process…

…a satchet of butterscotch flavoured Angel Delight. Not, perhaps the obvious topping for a trifle; but the Dream Topping that he swore lived behind the Waitrose breadcrumbs and Sainsbury’s boil-in-the-bag Basmati rice, had fled the scene. The result…

The surface of a planetoid from an Earplug Adventure. But when dished up…

…it was. to quote the formerly-mentioned Number One Son, “The best yet.”

Tooty Triumphs once again!

2 thoughts on “Tooty the Chef and the United Nations Trifle”

  1. Your right about the blancmange you can’t get it in any of the supermarkets,but if you go into the town there’s a lovely vegetable shop near the the Denmead queen,they do them in there, strawberry, raspberry, chocolate and even butterscotch…Happy days .This trifle looks like a winner.

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