The Epoch of Dung (part 16) An Earplug Adventure


It was later, after dusk was a mere memory that an exhausted Gobby stumbled from his abode…

A single streetlight, burning plugmutt piddle for fuel, illuminated him. He sent a silent plea into the evening sky. Elsewhere in the village, Rupert Piles was doing much the same…

However, his concern was immediate. Incredibly, his camera’s energy levels had dwindled and run down. Despite the presence of the working Nul-Space generator, the power was failing. It didn’t take a genius to work out that the generator could not produce the power from Nul-Space, because there was no Nul-Space to draw it from. Clearly, their time-line was on the brink of non-existence. Re-integration with the River of Time was imminent. However, he kept the information to himself: it had been a great show, and he wanted people to go to bed happy.

“Arse!” He said quietly to the increasing darkness.

The Angel with a Huge Nose – being an angel, of course – may have understood that their time was drawing near. Perhaps it was, as an act of desperation, which made her take the former weightlifters, Mandy and Candy, with their boyfriends – former zombies, Vic and Bob – up onto the roof of the mud village…

…to perform in the only way they could. However, instead of the spectacular three-dimensional farts for which the quartet had become famous, they produced just one. But, incredibly, it was invisible. More significantly, it was silent and deadly. When it struck Gobby, as he stood in the dregs of the day…

…he reacted against the foul smell to end all foul smells by sending it back in time by fifteen minutes. Moreover, it was then that the earplug presence in the fractured time-line finally became noticed…

…by the Tiny Pixelated Gods of Scurrying Things, who passed on the information to…

…the God of Red-Faced Fish. The God of Red-Faced Fish knew very little about earplugs, so it passed the recording of the show to the God of Water Butts and Sundry Liquid Containers…

This God was a high-level dude in the realm of the Supreme Being. Noting that time was tight, it reacted instantaneously. The Supreme Being was in the act of enjoying a warm bath…

It was only a shallow bath, but it was very nice and steamy. It was a rare moment of bliss for the hard-working creator of everything silicon. But his moment of reverie was broken suddenly, when he became aware that he was not alone…

In an instant, the steam evaporated, and all the water’s heat went with it.

“What the heck?” He began.

Then he recognised the eight figures standing before him…

Ninja, in particular, was giving him the ‘evil eye’. “Earplugs.” She said. “Just in case you’re wondering.”

The Supreme Being became enraged…

 “How dare you!” He roared so loudly that Margret feared she might develop tinnitus. “This is a shallow bath: there are insufficient bubbles in the water to hide my willy. It is outrageous that eight female earplugs should see my doo-dads without my permission. It’s not like you’re nurses or anything like that: you’re dancers, for flip’s sake!”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake.” Ninja growled…

…”do you really believe we’d be here if we wanted to? No, we’d like to be going about our business being earplugs in the regular space / time continuum. We’re here because we need your help. And you owe us – that’s earplugs in general, by the way. Do you recall how the false SB tossed you in a big wooden crate…?

…and had you bound and gagged?

That is until the Earplug Brothers freed you and helped you defeat the false Supreme Being?”

Margret didn’t wait for an answer: like her dancing girls, she had assumed that the question was rhetorical. “We’re the female equivalent of the Earplug Brothers, S B. This time we need your help. Savvy?”

As is the way of Gods, the Supreme Being had no need of a towel. In no time at all he was dry and clothed. He also held Ninja Perkins in the palm of his hand…

“Of course. Of course.” He said – all anger abated. “I always have time for my most accomplished creations. What ails thee, Ninja Perkins?”

Ninja looked back at the Supreme Being…

“Well,” she said, “I’d always wanted to be a dancer; but that seems rather pathetic now. I’m giving up on that. No, what I really need from you is…”

However, the Supreme Being had read her mind. “The Ion Storm in the Solar System is quenched.” He said. “Now it’s up to your kind to save the day. I know you can do it. Bye Ninja, Margret, Poki, Ragi, Belle, Wendy, Delia and Nokaks: have a happy existence.”

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2022

P.S If it hadn’t been the for the timely placement of my hand upon the bath grabrail, it would have been more than the Greenhorn Girls who saw the Supreme Being’s willy!

P.P.S have you noticed how much SB has aged since he first appeared in the Earplug Adventures. I have no explanation for this. Curious.

P.P.P.S That bloody yellow t-shirt again. It must be SB’s favourite colour!

2 thoughts on “The Epoch of Dung (part 16) An Earplug Adventure”

  1. Hilarious 😂😂How inconvenient of the Greenhorn girl’s to visit you while having a “hot” streaming bath.I bet they had a bird’s eye view..😃

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