Tooty the Chef’s Turdacious Trifle

You may not be aware of the fact, but Tooty the Chef does like a good trifle. He doesn’t make good trifles, but he does like them, which keeps him trying and trying again to make one of his own. Here are the photographs that tell the latest sorry tale.

It was obvious, from the start, that only alcohol would provide the necessary ‘something extra’ that a good trifle needs, but when Tooty the Chef went looking in the cupboard beneath the microwave ovens, all he could find was Gin, Brandy, Vodka, and Chichon. Obviously the first three were no-nos; but Chinchon looked hopeful – until he realised that both planned recipients of the trifle hated aniseed. So alcohol was out. Instead he proceeded  without a plan. Well a sort of plan that included using up stuff that had been laying around for quite a while. First of all (instead of sponge fingers) he used almond fingers – adding some black cherries…

…and strawberry jelly suffused with the juice from the black cherry tin and some cranberry drink, upon which he sprinkled ground almonds…

To this he added some raspberry jelly, made with more cranberry drink…

…which he left overnight in the fridge. The following morning he boiled up some custard…

…and threw a quarter bottle of ancient almond extract in, with a few cake decorations that were only seven years out of date. Sadly the expected swirls of colour never materialised; but the extra sugar content must have boosted the temperature, because as soon as he began to add it to the solidified jelly, the solidified jelly de-solidified itself, and the custard sank onto the resulting liquid. Naturally panic set in, and the mess was quickly returned to the fridge…

…which meant that the remaining custard became congealed and lumpen…

Then fortune smiled upon our favourite gastronome: the jelly re-solidified in record time, allowing him to splat lumps of custard between the sunken islands in the raspberry ocean…

Then it was simple matter of whipping up some Dream Topping (not real cream – it’s too fattening – and he didn’t have any)…

…and slapping it on top of the cooled, solidified custard…

…with a dusting of sugar crystals for effect.

The result?

Quite nice actually – but there were too many almond fingers, which almost sucked the lower levels dry.

So what did Tooty the Chef learn from this?

He learned that before he attempts another trifle, he is going to visit a purveyor of cheap sherry. Clearly only proper alcohol  will suffice.