Monthly Archives: October 2021

Photography, Tooty Stuff, Wallpapers

What Happens When…

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…you give a creative genius a camera: a light wand; half a cereal box with an asymmetric ‘window’ cut-out…

…and set said creative genius loose on a laptop?

No…we’ve had that picture already, dumb-ass. You get…

…Hair-Trigger’s stylish new winter hat!

P.S Nice apartment. Perhaps a tad minimalist.

P.P.S Thank  Amazon Echo’s Alexa for correctly spelling ‘asymmetric’ and ‘minimalist’. It’s a well-known fact that creative genii can’t spell for toffee.

Tooty Stuff, Writing / Books

Succinct Cover Art

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Unusually, for an Earplug Adventure, the story (and cover art) for The Lines of Tah-Di-Tah were all complete, spell-checked, listened to (using Natural Reader), and ready for conversion to PDF format long before the final few episodes appear on-line. But, since the tale is an on-line serial, I shall refrain from publishing the finished e-book/file until the penultimate episode appears – which is the usual way of things in Tootyland. But just as a taster for anyone who is planning to download the great masterpiece of silicon life – to share with friends, family, total strangers, and anyone who looks like they might be into strange stuff – here is the cover art. It isn’t flashy. It doesn’t display an exciting moment from the story. Instead I thought it should show the two stars – looking slightly puzzled. After all  they are earplugs, and this is an earplug mystery.

So now you know what to look for when it appears on the All Earplug Adventures in PDF Format Unexpurgated & FREE! page.

P.S You don’t need to wait to visit the page: there are 41 other Earplug Adventures there, gagging to be read.

Photography, Tooty Stuff

Avoid Eye Contact!

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When I’m out and about my home village and its environs, I tend to encounter rather a lot of other people – walking their dogs, taking the air, riding horses or bicycles, that sort of thing. I always greet them with a cheery ‘hello’ or pass the time of day with the chattier types. But (generally) young women shy clear of me. They prefer not to respond – often avoiding eye contact entirely. They tend to stare at the ground; mumble something meaningless, and hurry by as quickly as possible.  I am not entirely happy with this situation because I’m a jolly sort of chap who wouldn’t say boo to a goose. I am the epitome of ‘safe’. So, in an effort to understand their fears and revulsion, I took a picture of myself in my natural environment and tried to discern what it was that scared people. Here is the result. Tell me – does this look intimidating or dangerous?

I certainly don’t feel dangerous. 

Tooty Stuff

Spend Spend Spend!

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A continuation of Tooty’s return to the two-wheeled fold.

Oh, I don’t know; when I swapped my dinky little Yamaha 125 for its  brother on steroids, I promised myself that I wouldn’t add anything to it: that money would only be spent on essentials – like tax, insurance, oil, tyres, etc. But very quickly I added a new headlight and a fender extender. Now I’ve decided that, perhaps, a little luggage-carrying capacity would be nice. Nothing ostentatious, you understand. Just a neat little rack. But, flipping heck – are they expensive! So, having trawled through Ebay, I spent £42 on a used item. Another £8 for fittings from the local D.I.Y store, and there’s another £50 lost from the bank account. But it does look nice…

…and makes hauling the behemoth on to its centre stand easier for this sixty-five year-old idiot. 

But then there’s my very expensive (and exceedingly groovy) ‘adventure’ crash helmet…

Apart from the fact that its huge and heavy, that jutting mouthpiece gives my vast nose plenty of room to breath, and the beaky peak is excellent for shading my eyes from the sun. But at the speeds the 1300 is capable of, it’s like  wearing a brick. And that peak becomes an aerofoil. Not fun when you turn your head for motorway lane-changes. On a 125 it was fine. Behind the tall screen of an ‘adventure’ bike it is also probably fine. But not on a ‘muscle’ bike. So, for anything other than my rural photographic trips it has been replaced by…

…this rather fetching blue item that cuts through the air so much better. It’s more like the type of helmet I used to wear. No more hanging on for dear life, or rolling off the throttle because my neck muscles are going into spasm.  It’s like I’m forty years younger – and £60 poorer.

But when the world outside looks like this…

…you don’t want anything to detract from the ride. Happy days.