What an Unpleasant Surprise

The surprise being that only two people dropped by to visit my last post, and that only one of them liked it. Must be losing my touch.

How to Piss Off an Earplug

Use his toilet while he’s taking a long soak in his hot sunken bath…

Worse still – discover you have constipation; then listen to his teeth chatter as the bath cools…

…and pray he isn’t prone to hypothermia.

Portrait Gallery 110: The Church on the Hill

Tooty Art: Standing Upon a Comet

Wallpaper 529: Woodland Moss

What’s in a Name?

I was half way through cooking the family meal, this evening, when the thought occured. It was one of those thoughts that an author gets only once in a blue moon. Of course it wasn’t a momentous thought. In fact it wasn’t really new either: I’d had it before – on one of those rare blue moons. But this time there was an additional facet to it that was absent earlier. If I were to vocalise the unoriginal thought, it would go something like this…

“Hmmm, I dunno; I really should produce a more adult version of the Earplug Adventures. Senior Earplug Adventures is the obvious title. It’d be ruder, with swearing. Yeah, earplugs could  shout ‘Cock!’ and no one would complain.”  

Then the additional facet, I mentioned, kicked in…

“But I couldn’t use the name Tooty Nolan. It would confuse the shit out of people. Of course I’d have to pretend that the adult version was written by someone else entirely. Yeah, now let me think, what nom de plume might this mysterious author go by?”

Well one name was already in my head. I’d invented the French author, Gregory Pissoire several years ago, but never used him. So I let my mind go into whacky mode and dreamed up Gershwin Chipottle. ‘Very nice,’ thought I, ‘but I need one more name. A killer name maybe.’ Then I recalled another fake French author’s name from a while back. And I thought that I might just have the name I needed so desperately. But what I think doesn’t count. It’s what YOU  think that matters. I figured that if anyone should make the choice, it should be my readers. So allow me to present three possible book covers of the rude version of The Museum of Future Technology, and invite you to leave the name of your choice in the comments box, below. And here they are…

Gregory Pissoire

Gershwin Chipottle

And finally the killer name; Jean-Jacques Bivouac

Whichever one you choose – I’ll be happy with it. Then, finally, I’ll have the freedom to use this picture in a story…

…and I will be able to die a contented man – at some point in the distant future, obviously. There’s no rush: I still have things to do – like complete that damned  novel! But whatever, please vote. 

Wallpaper 528: Hard Landing

Barnes & Noble: Getting Thier Arse Into Gear

“Ugh?” I hear you question. “What is that Tooty Nolan talking about?” Well that would be understandable, because the title includes colloquial English, with which you might not be familiar. It’s the sort of English in which I specialise throughout all my written work – be it the earplugs, hamster-fiction, or my serious books. And it is this intrinsic ‘Englishness’ appearing in books that are published in the USA (and are available from e-book retailers world-wide) that amuses me and makes me realise that we really do live in an Internet-created global village, where we are all neighbours (or neighbors). But, more specifically, what the title really informs everyone, is that the retailers of the Nook reader have caught up with Lulu and iBooks. Evil Empire (and those e-books that precede it in the series) is now available for their reader. Good, eh?

P.S The first three books listed there are absolutely free!