Three Years On – Can a Book Improve With Age?

I can’t believe that more than three years have passed since I completed (what I believe is) my best work. What have I been buggering about with since then? Oh yeah – some certain Earplug Adventures. Well, just to prove that I can be serious, here is a brief snippet from this book…

For bonds Tasman used cable ties that he found in the maintenance department. Speaking pidgin Espeeg to our captive he instructed the youthful technician to sit upon the floor with his legs out in front of him. He then tied his hands together, followed by his feet. Then, just for insurance, he bound his feet and hands together.

“I hope he hasn’t eaten recently.” I said. “With him bent double like that we’re likely to find out what it was.”

“Couldn’t care less.” Tasman said as he stood up. “All I care about is that he stays still and quiet.”

He then mocked the technician by making chicken-like movements and clucking.

For a brief moment I began to feel pity for the captive: I assumed that like many a soldier before him he’d been a victim of his civilisation’s ways and the demands of their society, which meant that he little option but to comply with the demands made upon him. Or to put it more simply – he’d been drafted. But when I saw the malice in his eyes; the arrogance in his bearing (even when bound hand and foot); and the barely disguised smirk upon his face, my sympathy evaporated.

I waggled my Espeeg weapon in his face. “Tell him that if he moves I’ll cut him to pieces with this.”

Tasman translated for me as best he could, and our captive’s widening eyes told me that he believed that I’d do what I said. But they quickly narrowed once more when the distinctive hum of an approaching Espeeg flying machine permeated the building.

“They’re here!” I shouted needlessly and with an obvious panic that embarrassed me and emboldened our captive into a full-on sneer.

Tasman ran to the electrically powered roller door that led from the bottling plant to the outside world. Looking through a tiny window set into an adjacent pedestrian door Tasman confirmed my hypothesis. Unslinging his MP7 he hit the ‘up’ button on the roller door control box.

“No time for cleverness and subterfuge.” He said, “Let’s give these guys a warm welcome: a very warm welcome.”

Then he was moving towards the plastic swing door that led into the warehouse. I was yet to move – apparently rooted to the spot with a terrified look upon my face.

“I’ll take care of the dogs.” He shouted as he placed distance between us, “You take out the Law-Keepers.”

Then, just as he was about to disappear from sight through the semi-transparent material he added, “Watch your trigger finger, Fel: If your gun is anything like mine it won’t reload.”

‘Anything like? It’s exactly like!’

“Thank you.” I shouted at the empty space that Tasman had occupied a nanosecond previously, “Thank you very much indeed.”

Then my adrenal gland went to work.

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2014

Gosh, what might happen next? Big shoot ’em up perhaps?

See side bar for outlets that supply this book in e-book form. For a paperback version simply click on the Lulu logo. It will not be the worst thing you’ll do this week. Quite the opposite, I think.

Forgotten Heroes 2

The Junior Earplug Adventures never fails to remind us of the heroism of the Earplug Brothers; but in past tales others have ‘done their bit’ for the greater good too. In Forgotten Heroes 2 I’d like to remind you of more such silicon life-forms. The first of these is the United Stoats 7th Cavalry…

We first encountered these would-be heroes upon a doomed planet – suitably named Worstworld by the Earplug Brothers. Being sensible fellows, the enlisted ranks fled when the Earth ship returned to the Museum of Future Technology, where they set themselves up as the museum’s defence force…

Their moment of potential glory came during the second Battle of the Museum of Future Technology, when they (ineffectually, but bravely) fought robots from the future…

…with their venerable Chichester 73 Blast Rifles. Good eggs all, I think you’ll agree.

Other forgotten heroes are Klapp and Klappometer Neutron…

Those beings whom Magnuss and Hair-Trigger discovered travelling through a hyperspace wormhole during Return of the Prodigal Earplug. Who can forget how they used stun grenades to thwart a later attack of hypnotised idiots…

…and how (in an alternate reality – Evil Empire) they were blessed with the ability to knock the helmets of totalitarian regime’s soldiery to the ground, before inserting the  aforementioned soldiery up their anus…

For surely these were true heroes of earplugdom – even if they were actually thimbles.

 

Who is In & Who is Out

Well the votes have been collated and counted. The result is – we have some winners; and we have some losers. Of course new faces will appear in the next Earplug Adventure, but so will some old ones. Sadly, due to lack of public support, the Punting-Modesty XL5…

…will not be resurrected from the scrap yard. Neither will there be a need to dig out a cupboard full of…

…sombreros. But, most surprisingly, the four former monks of Lemon Stone…

…get kicked into touch too! So, in the next Earplug Adventure, you will witness the re-emergence of Don Quibonki and his personal aide, Panta Lonez…

Atcherly Speekin and Quentin Hearthrob (though probably sans the scout craft)…

The Museum of Future Technology’s Artificial Intelligence (looking forward to that one: where’s a selfie stick when you most need one?)…

Those two rogues, Hellfire McWilliams and Erroneous Bosche…

And (fanfare please) Nokaks Newbold, Belle Ching, Delia Stodge, Ragi Half-Nelson, Wendy Rucksack, and Poki Kitchener. Collectively known as the dancing girls of the alternate reality…

Oh Jeez, what have I let myself in for?

Forgotten Heroes 1

The Junior Earplug Adventures never fails to remind us of the heroism of the Earplug Brothers; but in past tales others have ‘done their bit’ for the greater good too. In Forgotten Heroes 1 I’d like to remind you of two such silicon life-forms – the first being Nature Beast…

…who tried very, very hard to be heroic, but sadly was totally crap at it. And the other is the time-shifting Gobby…

Here he fails to apprehend (or even notice) the recalcitrant (public enemies numbers one, two, and three)Eco-Warriors. But, on this occasion, he did have a good excuse: he was going to get his underpants cleaned. He did eventually manage something pretty dramatic though. He saved an entire buggy race entry from certain death (following a meteor strike) by moving them back in time. But, of course, no one remembered it – not even Gobby – because time travel does that.