Junior Earplug Adventures: The Masters of Scroton (Part Twenty-Seven)

Neither Blinky Chutnor or Piper Agnew were certain that they really wanted to expose themselves to something quite so disgusting as a farting competition; but Swetti Nax could barely contain her enthusiasm.

“Okay,” she said in response to their reticence, “we’ll wait over there and see who goes in. If there is just one famous personality, we go in too.”

So they waited – but not for long. First to arrive were…

…George and Edie, who had assumed that the Joyfulettes had entered already. Because of  her great age, George was forced to help his mountain pea-farming wife up the steps to the door. Hot on their heels came, none other than…

…the legendary ageing thespian and former movie star, Sir Dodger Muir, who paused on the step for photographs. Unfortunately there were no photographers present, so he entered almost unseen. Shortly afterwards a great throng arrived by taxi. The former android super soldier, Pilot, spotted the girls…

“Hi.” He said. “Dont go standing in the shadows like a bunch of attractive ghouls: get yourselves inside: I promise you, you aint never seen nothing until you’ve witnessed a farting contest up close and semi-personal.”

So, begrudgingly, Blinky and Piper approached the door once more…

…where Swetti waited for them. Then, even more begrudgingly, they allowed her to…

…drag them inside building. And they were ecstatically pleased that they did so, because…

…the Master of Ceremonies was none other than…

…the very earplug they had travelled all the way to the museum to meet.

“Yaaaaah…it’s Ootis Wolliums!” Swetti screamed semi-incoherently.

“Gosh,” Blinky breathed, “he may be ancient, but he’s so distinguished and handsome.”

And Piper didn’t say anything at all: as a life-long fan of the Trumptations, the shock of seeing her hero in real life made her brain stop functioning all together.

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2017


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