Why This Writer is So Darned Slow

Every day thousands of Earpluggers write into Tooty Towers asking the question:

“Hey, Tooty I’m missing my fix of Earplug Adventures: what’s with the hold up, asshole?”

Here is my reply:

Darlings, at the best of times, photographing and writing an Earplug Adventure is a slow laborious process, and seems to take forever; but since losing my fabulous ‘studio’…

…that process has slowed further – by (I estimate) at least ten times – maybe twenty. For starters my attic studio is far less accessible, especially during the hours of day light, so the sheer amount of time available for shooting the scenes has been reduced dramatically…

This is a bad thing. But worst of all is the lack of insulation in the attic. There’s also some kind of electrical air movement machine chucking out heat and whirring away like a torture device too! So, during these summer months, it’s hotter than hell up there. As a result of these high temperatures all my photography must take place wherever and whenever I get the opportunity (somewhere else), which, naturally, isn’t often. But, working under pressure of an assumed duty to my readers, I’ve been beavering away in the most heroic way possible; which now enables me to bring you The Masters of Scroton. It may take a while, but we’ll get there (together) eventually. 

Tooty

Just How Bad Can a Camera Get Before it Becomes Utterly Useless?

The search is on!

Actually I already have an utterly useless camera that, prior to it becoming utterly useless, was rather good, but kept breaking. It is a Fujifilm SL300 – and if you find one for sale on the Internet (which you probably wont [because most of them are of the no functionado variety] ) don’t take the chance of it being reliable. But I digress: I’m getting away from my original question and intent. I, of course, think I have the answer. It is my Qilive phone camera…

To show you how bad a camera can get before becoming utterly useless, take a look at a shot of a VW Polo, taken with my very mediocre (so mediocre that I bought the camera just so I could use it to charge the battery of my Fujifilm J30. Yes, another bothersome Fujifilm with a broken charging mechanism) Kodak M550, which looks like this, by the way…

Not bad, I s’pose. But when compared with the Qilive shot, which I think looks as though I travelled back in time to the early 1970s; took a shot with a cheap Instamatic rip-off; had the film developed; then left the print on the window sill for a few decades…

…I guess the Kodak shot looks almost wonderful. But, despite the camera phone’s truly ghastly levels of awfulness, is it really useless? I mean, it’s not actually broken. And this dated look can (under the right circumstances) look quite artistic. Take a look at this cart in a Spanish garden…

Why, it almost looks like a French impressionist painter created it. I rather like it. So, I guess, the quest for a truly useless camera (that isn’t actually broken or has a flat battery or is required to produce photographic evidence that is permissible in a court of law) continues.

P.S I keep the SL300 merely because it has a perfectly good battery and charger – and, you never know, one day I might find a used camera that needs both!