Junior Earplug Adventures: We Stand Accused (Part 22)


Once recovered from the initial shock of discovering that an alien life form had gained access to their space craft, Hydious and Putridity Gout wanted to know more…

“How the flipping heck did that sodding thing end up here?” Putridy screamed. “It’s ghastly!”

“Yes,” Hydious backed up his wife with a strong tone of his own, “that thing looks as though it could crush the life out of every one of us without drawing  breath or sweating even slightly. Are you sure that glass will hold it?”

The silver-suited guards blanched at this, and were sorely tempted to take a backward step. And Gout’s top scientists – Pelvac Throost, Clasp Gytnor, Rextum Hangdang, Battard Scootum, and Gangies Phalangees were surprised: they’d never heard their boss so upset about anything – not even the time when the triple-ply lavatory paper jammed up the toilet in his captain’s ready room, and obnoxious filth spread all through his deep pile hearth-rug, which had to be jettisoned into space before anyone found out. So they all put on false smiles, and then assured him that not only was it safely contained, but that it had gained entry through a buckled flange plate in the cooling system when the ship’s cook had decided to draw water from the ocean into the ship so that he could replenish the shower and bath water supply, whilst desalination of the aforementioned ocean water would provide some much-needed salt to make his foul space-gruel more palatable.

Hydious was relieved with the news: he’d thought that the scary-looking entity had come aboard as a seed and had grown inside the body of a crewplug; burst out of his body in an exaltation of gore; and was only captured because it got itself locked in the lavatory – something that both Gouts were in the habit of doing, on a regular basis.

“That’s the trouble with being left-handed on an ambidextrous space ship.” Putridity would often complain.

“Oh, jolly good.” Hydious responded. “Tell the helmsplug to find us a nice spot on the opposite side of the world, and we’ll drop this monster back into the water. I don’t like the look of it; it really must go – and sooner the better.”

With that he and Putridity departed, en route to the bridge…

“See that you have it nicely parcelled up for disembarkation.” Pelvac Throost instructed the Leader of the Guard.

So, moments later, the Helmsplug’s voice could be heard echoing down corridors:

“Buckle up and strap yourselves down: prepare to get under way.”

And a few moments later still, the Chi-Z-Sox began to make headway to a new orbital position…

“Ah,” Battard Scootum said as the planet swam into view upon the main screen…

…”let’s have a look down there.”

The helmsplug duly complied and tilted the ship so the sensors could sweep the planet…

“Oh, look,” Putridity squealed as she ran around the captain’s chair for a better view…

…”it’s a lovely island!”

And indeed it was a lovely island…

…that was swathed in mist and coated with strange round things that looked suspiciously like stylish habitat domes.

“I can’t see properly.” Hydious snapped at his scientist elite. “Do something about it.”

It was Rextum Hangdang who authored a positive response:

“Recommend that we descend into the atmosphere with our retros firing. It should burn off that mist, and if there are any witnesses to our arrival, they’ll probably be the subjects of ridicule from their peers.”

It was a great idea…

…and before long the foggy conditions were swept away by the hot exhaust…

Aboard the watching K T Woo the manoeuvre…

…was greeted by loud applause from the bridge crew…

As the Chi-Z-Sox continued to descend, details of the island…

…became clear enough for those crew members watching out of the porthole…

…to make out surface details.

“That looks like a cinema.” One of them cried out. “I wonder what movie they’re showing.”

“And that has to be public toilet.” Another said. “Look at the queue outside the front door!”

“Launch a probe.” Clasp Gytnor instructed the Probe Launch Officer. “I want to see what those other funny round things over there on the left are.”

He had to wait several seconds for the probe to launch and then transmit back pictures from ground level…

“Hmm,” Gangies Phalangees – a scientist who specialised in organic computing and natural building products said into the resulting puzzled silence, “that could be a biological communication array. That aurora behind it pretty much confirms it.”

Hydious didn’t like the sound of that…

“I don’t like the sound of that.” He said. “They might tell those underwater devils that we’re here. We could get shot down. Take us somewhere else completely.”

This was just the order his crew had been waiting for.

“Any suggestions, Sir?” Pelvac Throost inquired.

“Yes.” Hydious replied. “Somewhere out of the way. A rocky, storm-tossed shore should do nicely.”

To be continued…

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2017

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About Tooty Nolan

Writer of silly tales, taker of pictures, and all round good egg
This entry was posted in Photography, Tooty Stuff, Writing / Books and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Junior Earplug Adventures: We Stand Accused (Part 22)

  1. Jayne higgs says:

    Really funny

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