Junior Earplug Adventures: We Stand Accused (Part 7)

“Hold it right there!” One of the Overrealmers snapped…

“See.” It continued. “It’s all about bowels. Earplugs are obsessed with going to the toilet. That alone makes them inferior in every way, and deserving of extinction.”

Far away, in the Museum of Future Technology, those watching on huge screens felt as though they’d like to visit the toilet too – possibly for the last time…

Naturally Throgennis reacted badly…

…which was exactly what was required at that precise moment.

“What’s this?” He growled. “The old green-eyed monster talking here?”

Equally naturally the huge red alien was confused. “Green-eyed monster?” It said in a puzzle tone, which was most unbefitting a being with such apparent omnipotence.

“Yeah.” Throgennis sneered. “Jealousy. Envy.”

“Jealousy?” The advanced being retorted. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Throgennis was a good judge of opponents; he knew when someone, however powerful, was lying. “Yeah.” He repeated himself. “In all this time I’ve been standing here, you’ve not once asked me if I was desperate for a tinkle or a Number Twos. And you haven’t moved from the spot. It’s clear to me that you don’t need to go to the toilet; and you’re really, intensely, insanely jealous of anyone who can drop their trousers and make a loud splash in the toilet bowl. I bet you can’t even break wind!”

Throgennis knew that he’d hit the target because the being hurrumphed several times before saying: “Be that as it may, we have a case to proceed with. Let’s see the next piece of evidence.”

Upon screens throughout the Museum of Future Technology, and probably lots of other places too, Zip Fladgerstone could be seen discovering a side alley in the underground facility…


It was brief and shiny. A few strides brought the intrepid explorers to a nice blue door of a needlessly interesting architectural design…

“Oh look, a door knob.” Zip said with glee. “I think I’ll turn it.”

Opening at his touch, the door allowed them into a small space…

Galve was just about to say something complimentary about the interior decor, when they discovered that the space was actually an elevator – which went straight up. Unfortunately it didn’t stop quite as well as it started, and poor Torsten Gobbfist was a little slow ducking down…

“Ow!” He said as his head burst through the top of the elevator shaft. Then he stopped complaining, because he could discern a wondrous sight…

“There’s light up here.” He shouted down the others in the elevator. “It’s over the horizon. It can mean one of only two scenarios. One, a nuclear conflict is occurring a long way away. Or two, this planet isn’t entirely dark. It must have a light side!”

The others were delighted by this discovery. Finding an ancient stone staircase, they clambered to the top of a short tower made from a strange obsidian material…

The others, led by Magnuss had heard the prospector’s excited jabbering, and rushed into the facility. They arrived inside the obsidian tower just as a shaft of brilliant light burst through the opening at the top of the staircase…

“Ooh, bright.” Fang observed.

And everybody’s spirits were lifted by at least seventeen levels of spirituality. Then they wondered what the heck it was.

© Paul Trevor Nolan 2017




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