Junior Earplug Adventures: Natural Selection (Part 4)


And, as everyone knows, at the head of the gorge that leads to the entrance of Lemon Stone, a lonely watch tower stands, which, in recent times, has been manned by the former would-be dictator, Mister Zinc and his biological android girlfriend, Blue…

Mister Zinc was, at that particular moment, trying to catch a few rays of evening sunshine through the sudden snow squall. Naturally he was cheesed-off in the extreme.

“Blue,” he said miserably, “I’m extremely cheesed-off: think of something to cheer me up.”

It took but a nanosecond for the android to respond:

“Think about the former Father Superior, Frank Corset.” She replied. “He gave everything away – to become an uplands pea farmer. But has it done him any good? No, his life is even worse than yours: it has turned to rat’s poo.”

Mister Zinc thought back to the last video report he’d seen: it had included footage supplied by a remote camera that Frank knew nothing of. Fortunately, for all concerned, it had been programmed to avoid following him into the toilet. In the report that Zinc now recalled, Frank had been staring, glaze-eyed out of his farmhouse door at the mountain forest in the distance…

Switching to his front door, Frank peered out…

…at (what should have been) the first green shoots of his early harvest. But, like every day since he’d planted his crop, a sudden reduction in the ambient temperature…

…stripped Frank of his body heat, and with it his sentience. Moments later he’d…

…stepped  out into the mountain chill, and wondered why his peas weren’t blooming. Unsurprisingly his incredibly idiotic neighbour was doing much the same thing…

…and Frank wondered if he too could see…

…the Boastful Beast of the Mountains, whose heavy breathing would have made it  famous around the globe, if it hadn’t been for its amazing ability to…

…break wind upon command. He also wondered if that same neighbour was troubled by visitations by the…

…Bad-Tempered Pale Blue Snowplug of the Plateau.

“Grrrr,” it growled when Frank asked if there really was such a thing as a Bad-Tempered Pale Blue Snowplug, “of  course there isn’t, you thick-headed ding-bat: I’m not pale blue…

…I’m turquoise! Hell, this mis-identification of a legendary character, such as I, is enough to make….

…”even the Supreme Being himself bellow with impotent rage.”

And Mister Zinc wondered how his camera had managed to see so much stuff that was actually in Frank Corset’s refridgerated imagination.

“Because,” Blue reminded him, “you stole it from the Museum of Future Technology – where anything is possible.”…

To be continued…

© Paul Trevor Nolan

 

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About Tooty Nolan

Writer of silly tales, taker of pictures, and all round good egg
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