Junior Earplug Adventures: Those Magnificent Earplugs (Part 26)

Naturally Cushions Smethwyke witnessed all of this aboard the genuine Omnipresent Scanner…


She quickly realized that the time for watching was over: now it was time to act. But in what form should her act occur? She was low on options, and knew it. It was pointless convening a meeting of curators: it would take too long, and their ideas wouldn’t be worth a Plugmutt’s arse anyway. She had to face up to the fact that there was, unfortunately, only one course of action open to her: she would have to use the museum’s metaphorical ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card. She would have to plunder the (almost) mythological Secret Cache of Wondrous Things. To this end she summoned the museum’s only available heroes – Rudi and Valentine;  curators Winston Gloryhole; Barcode Betty; and Pinky Stinkerton. Together they made best speed for the underbelly of the vest emporium of futuristic anomalies…


…in which Cushions had hidden the Secret Cache…


“Here it is.” She said as they arrived at the locked door of a disused Ladies toilet. “I lost the key when I moved apartments.” She added. “Rudi, you and Valentine will have to force your way in.”

Well naturally both Earplug Brothers gave it their best shot…


…but they were easily defeated by a force field that Cushions was unaware of.

“That’s a bugger.” She said. “We have to get inside. Any ideas?”


They tried smiling at it, and asking to be allowed in. They even said please. But it did no good. They were still barred entry…


“We’ll put out a general call for assistance.” Pinky Stinkerton suggested.

“Of course, you brilliant genius, Pinky.” Barcode Betty gushed. “Someone in this huge edifice must be at least half-way adept at slipping through force fields without too much trouble.”

Valentine recalled Nature Beast’s particular talent for bludgeoning his way through force fields, but sadly he was in hospital with a nasty complaint that no one wanted to talk about.

Meanwhile Anton Twerp was overseeing his fabulous gallery…


Visitors were marveling at his wooden sculpture, ‘Zombie Chairs’. He was about to step in and fish for compliments, when an announcement on the public address system caught his ear…


“This is Cushions Smethwyke.” Cushions’ voice echoed around the vaulted gallery. “The museum in is dreadful danger – again. We have a force field that we must simply get through if we are to save the day – again. If you know anyone who is really good at breaking into things, please contact myself, or Rudi and Valentine, instantaneously. Speed is of the essence. We will be available at the three futuristic lavatories for the next ten minutes. Please hurry. No time wasters please.”

Anton wasn’t keen to react, despite the fact that he’d just thought of the perfect earplugs for the job. Fortunately for all, one of his admirers promised to buy him a cream bun…


…and threatened to show some black and white pictures of his bum to his parents, if he didn’t do ‘the right thing’. So three minutes later, as Valentine was using the latest sit-down facility at the futuristic public lavatory…


…Anton arrived at a quick march.

“When you’ve done,” the artist said without preamble, “I think I know someone that’s perfect for the task at hand.”

Ten seconds later…


“I wasn’t actually having a Number Two.” Valentine explained. “I was just taking the weight off my feet, resting my eyes, and keeping my facial muscles supple by contorting my visage, man. So who is this guy you wanna rap about?”

© Paul Trevor Nolan




About Tooty Nolan

Writer of silly tales, taker of pictures, and all round good egg
This entry was posted in Photography, Tooty Stuff, Writing / Books and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s