Junior Earplug Adventures: Plunging into Peril (Part Twenty-Nine)


Sinclair then had Bryony put the soundtrack through the language translator. The result was a comprehensible narrative…

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“Long ago,” the voice began, “Our cable end ancestors were thick, moronic barbarians who lived on an open plain. They ate berries and grass and the occasional multi-legged critter, for which they had no name. In fact they didn’t have names either because they had no language. They really were dumb asses. One day, approximately twenty-three years ago, a strange triangular artefact appeared before a group of them. Some were drawn to it by its strangeness; whilst others…

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…were nauseated by it. One un-named cable end who wasn’t quite as dull-witted as his peers stepped closer – the better to examine the strange artefact…

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Incapable of surprise he reacted to the appearance of an opening in its flanks…

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…by stepping into it, and finding himself bathed in a warm light. The others who stood there quiescent continued to do so, even when the opening closed, with the braver cable end still inside the artefact…

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Neither did they react when the opening reappeared, and the former captive cable end faced them – complete in a golden body of unequalled beauty…

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As he stepped into the daylight once again, the artefact emitted a burst of radiation…

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…that enveloped everyone present and made everything look wonky. It then rendered them inert…

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…except the golden cable end – who was clearly ‘The Chosen One‘. It also imbued them with sentience and inquiring minds. When they’d recovered their feet they discovered that they were capable of rational thought. So rational, in fact, that when the golden cable end beckoned them discretely, they all decided to  follow him from the plain…

in-rain

…even though they didn’t have a clue where he was going, or even if there was anywhere else to go at all! They continued to follow him into the hours of darkness…

at-night

  …when cable ends usually stopped moving around, and often fell prey to large carnivores such as the Angling Land Lobster Squid…

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They continued to follow him when he led them across the desert…

in-heat

…and across polar regions…

in-snow

…where all they could find to eat was snow, their own bogeys, and some frozen fish that had been sucked up from the ocean by a water spout and deposited on the ice. They also continued to follow him through the medium of wet foggy mist for the first time…

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…and even wetter downpours of rain…

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But they began to lose interest when the golden earplug’s first attempt to create fire fell a little short…

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And they felt decidedly embarrassed when he invented the spoken word – because most of the ones he used whilst trying to get the camp fire lit were very rude indeed, and included damn, blast, and bum wipe – even though toilet paper was yet to be invented, and wouldn’t be for a long time yet.

© Paul Trevor Nolan

 

 

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About Tooty Nolan

Writer of silly tales, taker of pictures, and all round good egg
This entry was posted in Photography, Writing / Books and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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