Good old Barnes & Noble


I say “Good old Barnes & Noble” because it is that fair book seller that sells more of my books than all the rest put together. Well now I can be hopeful that this photonovel…

return to museum cover

…might sell a few more copies – coz its now available at the aforementioned Barnes & Noble. Go for it!

Here’s an extract…

Had either Flaccidus or Augustus known what was happening a short distance away, they would have felt certain that their infant plan would soon grow up and meet with success…

june11 008

“I don’t know that we made a wise decision when we stowed away aboard Ship Number Fifteen.” Staff Sergeant Wetpatch Wilson complained to  Staff Sergeant Jo Frayzer. “I know that we don’t have to patrol that bloody radiation-seared desert anymore: but in every other respect life is just the same as it was before – only now we have all the responsibility of command.”

“Yes.” Joe agreed. “We still aint got no fighter planes either. We still got to ride plugmutts.”

“Talking of which,” Wetpatch interrupted, “I got a semaphore signal from the stable lad.”

A minute later they arrived at the plugmutt corral…

june11 007

“What’s the problem?” Wetpatch inquired.

“Well,” the Stable Lad began to explain the reason for summoning the Sergeant…

june11 006

…”I’ve been checking the records of our plugmutts.”

“Well?” Joe demanded when the Stable Lad seemed reticent to continue.

“Well, I hate to say this, Sarge,” the Stable Lad replied nervously, “but I’ve been checking our plugmutt’s records; and the fact is…we can’t ride ’em anymore. They’re past their Use By date. They’re too old. We’re going to have ride something else. Possibly each other. We could take turns.”

This was truly terrible news for both sergeants: a cavalry troop without mounts wasn’t cavalry at all: it was infantry; and infantry were only good for crawling about in the mud.

“I don’t care what it costs,” Wetpatch said as they walked back to Glazed Park…

june11 009

…”but we gotta find something else to ride – and fast!”

At about this time, arriving from the transfer conduit station, came Don Quiborrocks and Panta Lonez…

may12 006

They had  thoroughly enjoyed the trip from the dusty plain, and were confident that they would find a buyer for their amber goo very quickly.

Not far away from where they rode the Up ramp, Auntie Doris was out and about with her hover wheelbarrow…

doris and shards

She had always possessed an uncanny talent for detecting amber shards, and on this particular day she felt lucky.

“I’ve managed to find enough amber shards to power the port engine of K’plank’s flying saucer.” She said to herself as she pushed her load towards her alien boyfriend’s apartment. “Now if I can just find a little bit more for the starboard engine, everything should be fine. I only need about an arse hole-full. But where shall I look?”

Whilst Auntie Doris was deciding where next to visit in search of amber shards, Frenchie Corhampton’s arrival…

may12 007

…strongly suggested that she was quickly developing an unhealthy obsession for the would-be conquistador. Fortunately for Don, he spotted her through a crack in the wall of the pissoire he was using currently – and ducked down from sight. Thereafter he slipped out and ran off in the opposite direction – where he encountered…

may17 002

…Auntie Doris.

“I say, elderly female,” he said by way of introduction, “what’s that golden stuff in your strange wheel-less wheelbarrow?”

“That, young-ish male,” Doris replied, “is the stuff of dreams. They are amber shards.”

Don recalled what the two short-arses in The House of Tits had said about amber shards. “Might I be correct in thinking that amber shards can be produced from amber goo?” He asked.

“Generally,” Doris answered, “amber shards come pre-packed and complete – shat out of the rectum of biological android super-soldiers: but yes, amber goo will do nicely – especially if it is highly radio-active and has been allowed to mature in a dark, warm place.”

Don nodded quietly, whilst Panta said: “Does it pay well?”

© Paul Trevor Nolan

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About Tooty Nolan

Writer of silly tales, taker of pictures, and all round good egg
This entry was posted in Writing / Books and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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